I woke up on monday morning the 19th of December. I had my regular chiropractic appointments, first from Dr. Lawrence, followed by Eric McIntire. I felt an early contraction right before being adjusted by Eric. "Hold on"... as I felt pressure while contracting. I went to sit in the zero gravity chairs, and meditated. "God, what message do you have for me"? "Let go of your timeline" is the answer I recieved. I finished resting and needed to go pee. I was feeling extra pressue in my pelvis. I tried to go, but when I go to the bathroom, they were both locked. So I left. I was on a time limit because I had a nail appointment.
Intuition told me that it was priority to go to my nail appointment over going out to lunch with Julie. I stopped at costco. As I pushed the cart to the entrance, I still had to go pee and I felt myself waddling. It felt extra uncomfortable pushing the cart. I grabbed a few things and then I REALLY needed to go. I left my cart and went to the bathroom, and knew I didn't have time to shop. It felt urgent that I just go, physically and intuitively.
I got my nails done at 12:30, and had several early contractions, though I didn't know it at the time. River was a preschool already. I get my nails painted before every birth. Little did I know I was going to have my baby in 12 hours, which why it felt so important to get them done. I was able to rest until I needed to pick up River at 3. I had an early contraction on the way to get him, feeling pelvic pressure and just different. He ran up to our van with joy and excitement as he always did when I picked him up, showing me his paper he brought home. I had an hour before the girls got home. I called andrea and asked if she could come over. I was confused. Was I in labor? Was I not? This was just so different than my previous 4 births. I knew that i wasnt going to make it until christmas. I wanted to go AFTER christmas being totally honest. My mind was set on 41 weeks. Intution was so strong that wasnt going to happen.
Gratefully, I was able to talk through it with Andrea. She was there for about 30 minutes. I had a few more, "more intense" contractions than before. going from about 20 min apart to 10-15 apart. I had river on the TV while Andrea was talking to me on my stairs. I was pretty weepy during this time. Fear of all the missing out I'd have to do that week. not feeling ready as well. On the last one before she left around 4, I had to stop and it was longer. " I think you should call your midwife she told me.
I called Christine larson my midwife and told her that I might be in early labor but i wasn't sure. SHe suggested I take a bath and time it, which is exactly what I did. My girls got home from school and I took a bath. I knew I couldn't do this on my own. I called Ezinee my friend from Hawaii who is now a midwife. She also gave me space to talk through my worries and fears. And she asked, what are you most worried about or fearing? I hit me at that moment..."That I won't love my baby.." I was crying the whole time. Not hysterical, but weepy. "Girl, I think this baby is here to teach you acceptance".
I thought that I had already gone through the process of accepting "what was". When others mentioned congrats for being pregnant, I accepted graciously their joy for me. I accepted or at least partially accepted that life was going to change. But I wasn't fully accepting whatever timing was best for baby and me or that it was even real. I didn't feel a connection with my baby during my pregnancy.
During my bath, from 4-5 I went to having contractions every 8-10 min apart. I called Creighton around 5 and told him I was probably in early labor. I picked up sushi from the store while I was contracting and quietly weeping during and between contactions on the stairs and the kids were watching a movie. I asked Christine to come after Ezinee suggested I call creighton and tell him and mymidwife. and she arrived around 6pm. I was still able to hold conversation. and felt pretty relaxed between contractions.
Jamie arrived at 9:30 pm and did a partial zone along with relfex points for labor with essential oils. Creighton put the kids to bed and went to bed himself. Contractions picked up in frequency and intensity in the 30min that she was working my feet. She'd have to stop and help me with a contraction while working on me, pushing on my tailbone. They went to 4-5 min apart. A big part of me didn't beleive that it was happening STILL. I called the midwife and she came along with the assistent and Rowan. Jamie helped me through contractions from the top of my stairs, in my room until she felt like i was in good hands and taken care of. She was an angel to me.
Lily was super sweet during this time helping me. She let me use her rock I got from zions to help during my labor all on her own.
It was during this time even during intense contractions that I had the intrusive thoughts in my head. "This isn't real. I am going to wake up in the morning and there's going to be no baby. and This will all be for nothing". This thought felt incredibly true!! Christine offered to check me, and then I said, "Fine, I accept it.."
Jamie showed Creighton the best way to helpme. The pressure I felt wasvery high! pushing on my low back was so helpful!
After Christine offered to check me...(it was more of a "you need to believe because its happening!"), the tub was ready for me and its always instant relief to get in the water, even if its temporary. Because at this point, contractions we getting longer and pressure was intense and painful and I was tired! I had no concept of time as i was focused on one pressure wave at a time. I was shocked to see photos of me smiling, because my headspace was there but there was so much emotion behind it.
Lily was surprisingly a wondreful helpfor me!
I would call out for help in a panicked state when it got intense.
It was here that the pressure was beyong what i felt I could handle. I was exhausted.
I looked more calm than I felt. I would feel panic right before a contraction and my hand would shake trying to get Creightons or someones attention to rub my hand or shoulder. Around 11 pm, I called Andrea to come over and her voice was so soothing and her eyes were so reassuring. THe water felt good, but the pain was still intense. I didn't beleive that I was actually giving birth to a baby. I couldn't picture it. I remember moving onto my hands and knees and leaning over the tub- and being instructed in my mind to lean one way and then the other. I was so exhuasted. THen, a picture in my mind flashed several times during these contractions of my standing up. I couldn't express it or do it. but intutively I knew I needed to. I leaned back onto creighton in the tub. And pushing came naturally and it was very difficault. I started to yell and was reminded to breathe down and I re grouped. I could feek his head. I knew at this point- this was real. There was a light at the end of the tunnel. I was close. I was grateful for the breaks between contractions. after several pushes, i felt the ring of fire and his head out. the stretch and the sting were so real. HIs head was there! I asked Lily to get Iris so Iris could see his be born. I wasn't don't yet. A few more pushes and I didn't have the strength to push his hody out. SUddenl, CHristine says- she needs to standup!. THey helped me stand and before I could even stand up all the way, he slid right out. It was a miracle. She had the intuition that I had and that reassured me that GOd was with me and guiding me. BUt her too! I relaxed in the tub in a blissful moment- that this was real and I had a baby boy! The other kids were woken up and got to see their new baby brother. It was such a special family moment. I'll never forget it.
I was helped to my bed before delivering the placenta. It was a waddle and I was sore. I layed down, and had canyon next to me with everyone admiring the baby. He had such distinct eyes. He latched on quickly. and I eventually dilivered the placenta. We let river cut the placenta and he said ,, "ew gross" and we all laighed. The best thing about giving birth at 12:50 am, is that I still had all night to rest. THe kids even made it to the bus. I so grateful for his birth and what I learned.
God sent earthly angels to be there for me in my moments of need. First, there was Andrea who came over earlier in the day. Then Ezinee who talked to me for close to an hour. Then Jamie, who came over and did labor points and helped my contractions go from 10 min apart to 5. THen Adrea wgain and the mid wife assistant. I was watched over in love in my time of need. God reassued me he would be a healthy strong baby. and God or my ancestor helped put pictures in my mind of what i needed.
No comments:
Post a Comment