This pregnancy I was planning on a 40 to 42 week birth. According to my history with my last four births, I’ve always gone late. So naturally, I was going to go late again. So I thought. But there were other things that came up. I had the mindset of going late, and not going early. I realized that I had the mindset where I wanted to control the outcome. I was set on a certain outcome. This pregnancy there was a theme. Acceptance. There was so much that I had to accept.
My last 2 months of pregnancy, my belly grew a lot! People were able to notice that I was pregnant when I was about 5 1/2- 6 months pregnant. But even at 7ish months pregnant, I would get comments on how it looked like I was going to "pop". I would be like... "no I am not. I need more time." THe most common comment I got was how "cute" my belly was. I was super active during my pregnancy. I started my aerial fitness journey a few weeks before I spoke and MC'ed at Rejuvenate you. That was late Februray. I continued it after the event. I went a lot, focusing on silks and the Pole. Its a lot of core and strength and takes doing a skill a 1000 time to improve. I was probably a month or so into it when I got pregnant. At pole, I would get dizzy, and I gained 5-6 lbs which isn't normal for me. I asked one of the instructors if it was normal to gain weight? Her response was we don't talk about that during class.
My digestion was off. I had bouts of nausea and I was suddenly tired and exhausted again. I needed more naps. I focused on taking more B vitamins again, increasing my pH levels. I did an angel reading session to focus on digestions, and that DID improve my nausea. I went to the aquarium with andrea on April 21st. We were in the jungle gym area where kids can run around. I was just SO tired. I told andrea the symptoms I'd been experiencing. She suggested that maybe I was pregnant? "No, its not possible I told her" My libido was so low and almost non existent. The next weekend I had a foot zone class and my student mentioned, "maybe you are pregnant?" Again, I didn'e believe that was possible, but this little voice came to me and said... "well maybe??"
So i took a test and it was a bright blue line. The line came so fast that there was no denying it. My initial reaction was a bit of shock, not knowing what to feel. I mean, I wasnt planning on this, and I didn't really want to be pregnant. That was the truth of it. But we knew that there was another kid waiting to come. We could sense at times that someone was missing when no one was "missing". Creighton wanted to try at times and I would say "I don't want to get pregnant yet". SO there was some denial as well for awhile. We were also busy with softball season, 3 girls on 2 teams meant a hectic schedule. I was super tired often at softball as well. While I could tell my body was changing, others could not. My breasts were getting bigger. aka they were not pancakes. I had what looked like bloating. The couple months of softball went by so fast because we had games and practices every week.
Once school was out at the end of May, I wanted to spend time with the kids at the lake, and June was a busy work month for me. There were a couple events, and a foot zone class. We could not do the vacation stuff that month but we did spend time doing hikes, going to the lake, riding bikes, etc. For Iris's birthday, we did go to Moab and that was a lot of fun. We got lots of sun, played in water, went swimming, got snow cones. July was also busy, and i really didn't focus a lot on my pregnancy. We went to San diego for a week, and I really didn't feel 'pregnant'. I couldn't do the roller coasters. We played in the ocean and that felt amazing. I saw my friend Krystal Lee and told her about being pregnant. I guess I was only about 3 months or so along. Then, we went to Zions national park with my family bringing me to 4 months pregnant. My sisters could tell that I was pg. But to the normal public eye, it still wasnt noticeable. We hiked, we swam, we ate, and I spent that summer from May- end of July prepping to perform on the pole in the next showcase. I had 8 private lessons in that time and I DID perform at 19 weeks pregnant. It was amazing. And I am so proud of myself for that. It also happened to be the night of my nieces wedding reception and I knew I needed to perform.. They were both located in sandy, so I slipped out for 45 min, and came back. I didn't feel limited.
In august I injured my wrist and hand, from too much relaxin and my body overcomensating using the wrong muscles in my hand. I had to take some time of off to let me wrist heal. I thought It would be fine in a week or 2, maybe 3. But even after having the baby now, its not all the healed. that was discouraging for me. I had to modify some exercises, and did more light lifting and yoga. I started muscle activation with Dr. Joseph Levie. We worked on my wrist muscles, shoulders and neck and started to adress the glutes. He passed away from suicide. But that really did help quite a bit. Then I did the chiro care with Eric McIntire instead. Before that I was doing both. It was amazing when I could go on the pole again without pain in my left thumb area. I had to avoid the slip grip for awhile as that would cause pain between my thumb and pointer finger.It was like a sharp zing of pain when the nerve would fire off with random movements. And my left hand and wrist felt weaker than my right.
In mid-August, I went to miracle camp.
My Midwife came over when I was about 38 weeks, and she told me that I told her that this felt different. And I wasn’t sure if I was going to go late.
38 weeks six days, I spent hours cleaning my house. From organizing and doing all the laundry, cleaning out closets, vacuuming rooms, getting the kids room is clean. You could call this “nesting”!
But every time I stood up, I would contract. My stomach would get hard and it would feel uncomfortable. But not so uncomfortable I couldn’t function and do all the things. It was frequent!
On Monday, I was exactly 39 weeks according to my guess period date and the size of my belly.
I woke up in the morning got the kids to school, and I had a chiropractic appointment that morning at 10 AM. I went to my chiropractic appointment where he adjusted me and made sure that there was good space for a baby and my hips and tailbone we’re good. I was feeling pelvic and anal pressure.
I went to the next chiropractor to get my neck adjusted. The pelvic and anal pressure was there and I felt a contraction right before my adjustment and I had to stop before he could adjust me. I knew I needed to go pee, and that would relieve some pressure. But the bathrooms we’re being used and I was short on time.
I had a nail appointment scheduled for 12:30 PM in Lake Point. I also wanted to go to a luncheon with friends and I could not reschedule the nail appointment. Intuition told me that the lunch was not priority, my nails were priority because I like to have my nails done and painted when I give birth.
I ran into Costco, but pushing a cart felt uncomfortable. I still had to pee, pretty badly. And the pressure in my anus and my pelvis was really high. I didn’t feel like I could walk very well. I grabbed a couple ingredients struggling through Costco having to stop. I looked at my time and realized I just needed to leave if I was going to make it to my nail appointment. I went to the bathroom, some of the pressure was still there but it was relieved a little bit. I watered my way to the car and I was right on time for my nail appointment. I could feel some contracting on my drive home and it felt uncomfortable. I didn’t have to breathe through it but it felt uncomfortable and low.
Well river was it Preschool, I had the strongest feeling that I wasn’t going to make it to Christmas. I just knew and I was scared. I had so much fear about going into labor early because I didn’t feel ready. I had most of my postpartum supplies, but I didn’t feel ready emotionally or mentally to give birth.
At 3 o’clock I had to pick River up. I made my way to the car and it was so uncomfortable even driving to pick up river. There was contracting and the pressure again was very low
I called my friend Andrea to see if she could come over and to see if this was early labor because let’s be honest, I was confused. Labor for me had never gone like this before. I have always gone into labor in the middle of the night and did not experience early labor. So I was all up in the air is this happening is this not happening??
She came over and we talked. Expressed my worries and my fears of missing out on the various activities this upcoming week. Like the choir concert, the forgotten carols, Christmas Eve, being sore on Christmas etc. But deeper down, I had fear that I would feel disconnected from my baby when my baby was born. I felt still very disconnected from the baby and that worried me.
She told me that this probably was early labor, and if Creighton knew or not? I said that I texted him but he didn’t actually know that this could be early labor. She suggested that I tell him so he can come home. She left my house around 3:30 when they were about 15 minutes apart and I didn’t have to stop because they were that uncomfortable. I felt so emotional. Not traumatic emotional, but very weepy. Lots of little tears coming out as I expressed myself. End it was kind of nonstop. I called my Wendy wife and told her that I wasn’t sure but this could be early labor and that this felt very different from any other labor. She suggested that I take a bath.
I went to my bathtub filled it with really hot water, and start a timing contractions because I was still kind of confused. They started out around 10 to 11 minutes apart, and as the hour went on, they got to about seven minutes apart. I was still super weepy. My kids were watching TV while I was taking a bath experiencing early labor.
I knew I had a lot to process and these tears were allowing me to process before I went into actual active labor. So I tuned in to who did I need to talk to? And my friend Ezinee came to mind. She is my friend from Hawaii, she is a midwife, and she is intuitive. I told her what was up, but I was feeling and she just let me express myself and she gave me that time. Told her what I was worried about, and my fear about not being connected to baby. She in her wisdom, let me know that my body was in early labor so I could except what was happening. That this baby was teaching me acceptance. And this early labor was giving me time. This I knew was the root of it. I still wasn’t accepting the fact that I was having a baby. Even though I thought I had accepted it earlier on in the pregnancy, there were still a part that I was holding onto of nonacceptance.
By the end of the conversation, there was a contraction where I had to just stop and breathe and I told Ezinee that I was going to tell my husband that I was an early labor. Weepy during that too. I got myself dressed. It was about 5:30 pm. The kids were watching tv while I was having contractions on the stairs. I called Creighton and told him. He went to the store and bought sushi, coconut water, and some snacks. I was jus so weepy. I keep saying it, but my spirit and body was processing it so I could Move forward. There must been a lot more than I anticipated. I not just processing going early, but the fear I wouldn’t be able to connect with my baby. Or feel love for my baby. I played my drum a bit, times my contractions a bit. And let contractions happen.
At 6:15 I requested to have Christine come and check. She got here round 6:40 pm and contractions were riding at 8-10 min apart. She advised that I rested and called her when I was about 5 min apart. she and Rowan went home while I rested .
I did rest side lying on my bed, while creighton watched a movie with the kids and put them to bed. The contractions slowed down while I rested, which was really nice actually. When I switched positions, I would have a contraction. And they lasted about 1-1:30.
At 8:30 I called Jamie because I had a client scheduled for the next day, and I asked Jamie if she could cover for me. I have the client Jamie’s info and vice Versa. But I also asked if she could come and help zone me. She came over a little after 9. She did pressure points and oils on my feet and contractions were about 5 min apart by 9:30 pm. We started timing them. Jamie did counter pressure for me during the contractions which helped with the intensity. I called Christine and asked her to come back at 9:40.
I went upstairs and did labor on the ball. Jamie helped tidy up and clean down stairs. Christine arrived at 10:15 am. And Rowan came around 10:30 or so. They were filling up the tub while I labored on the ball. Creighton and Jamie took turns with counter pressure, and she did reflex points for me. I vocalized that my body was tricking me. That this wasn’t really happening. I wouldn’t have a baby. It would all be for nothing. My brai. Kept telling me this! I could t believe I was really in labor. Fear of not connecting with the Abe came up again. She offered to check me, and immediately I said “no! I do not want to be checked!” It was so clear to me I didn’t want that.
Jamie left at 11 am after she felt like I was in Fisk hands. I moved to the tub at 11:15 pm and the pressure was so intense and low. I had back to back contractions - I needed support here. I vocalized need someone to rub my hands. Someone toe tell me words of affirmation. I felt so weak. Misty the assistant came as well around this time and she had a softness in her eyes that was so comforting to me. I could feel my own eyes tense up when a contraction was coming and I’d close my eyes when they were done. I focused on breathing the. Baby down. I leaned over the tub, and decided to call Andrea who arrived around 11:50 pm. She offered a softness and comfort that I truly needed. I asked creighton but realized it was- what did I need? So I asked that he contact her.
I needed more support as the pressure increased. It was a pressure I cannot quite describe as my body dilated and stretched. I felt like “I could t do it anymore”. Andrea’s and Misty’s eyes gave me reassurance that I needed.
At 12:15 am, Christine felt a bulging bag and suggested that she break the water. I consented because at that point I was done and I wanted it over faster.
It felt so hard! Transition didn’t feel like it let up at all and I was tired and exhausted. Creighton would rub my shoulders, Andrea would hold my hands as I transitioned into pushing.
I felt guided by spiritual beings as I was pushing. I leaned over the tub. Leaned more on my right leg, then my left and so on. I felt a image come to my mind about standing up. But I count express or do it on my own. It took about 10 minutes to push the head out. I requested that lily run and wake up iris when it when I pushed the head out. She did. Christine said suddenly, she needs to stand up. Help her. So they helped me and his body slid out. It was like he ripped through me into this world. My bottom was so stretched and sore. But what amazing is that her intuition matched mine!
We saw he was a boy and it was so exciting. He looked just like lily. He was beautiful. But it was slightly triggering because I don't have the relationship I want with her. Would my relationship be like mine with her? But even so, the love I felt for him was instant. The thing i feared most was would I love another baby? And how could I not? He was alert immediately with his bright distinctive eyes. I was so shocked that there was a baby coming out of this, even though I "knew" there was.
After he was born, all the kids got out of bed to see their new baby brother. It was truly a magical moment. We were all in awe of the sacredness of the moment, a moment where you are truly surrounded by angels. The walk to the bed is "the" walk after giving birth: a painful waddle where you feel too weak to walk on your own, naked and wrapped in a towel while holding onto christine, andrea, and whoever else. Getting into bed felt really good. I still did not deliver my placenta. He nursed very quickly after laying down. I also experienced the contracting of the placenta. That is painful. and it happens while nursing, which is good. but its almost as painful as contractions. But it was still such a beautiful moment bringout family together. The kids didnt' go back to bed until almost 2 in the morning when everyone left.
Nothing adequately describes the moment a child is born, and they are placed on your chest for the first time. Its a miracle. and then your body knows how to feed the baby and adjust to not having the baby in the body so quickly.
The sleep after giving birth felt wonderful. And I so appreciated them letting me pee on my own time, because I didn't have to force it. I tried several times, but i couldn't pee and I didn't have to stress this time. So when I could, it was easy. Peeing after giving birth is tender and sore. Pooping is harder. I actually loved that I was done by 2 AM with all the things so I could just rest. and I felt rested waking up around 9 or 10 in the morning. The kids did actually wake up for the bus, which i was surprised. It wasnt a priority for me.
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