Post Partum Life

Juniper is a blessing to our lives. I love her sweet and loving energy. She is deeply loved by her sisters who smother her with love! I want to talk real here. Having a baby is such a miracle. Giving birth is a miracle. Feeding a baby is a miracle. The fact that baby's can grow inside of one's body and come out ready to eat and cry is a miracle. There is so much for me to be grateful for. We had so much help an support after Juniper's arrival with meals, babysitting, our amazing upstairs neighbor who took our girls up to sleep with them while in labor, a baby shower, and more. So if you helped us out in any way, thank you! And the fact that I had a healthy and normal delivery with a healthy baby is a blessing. I know many friends who are having more struggles with this, and my heart aches for them. It is an adjustment having a baby. I have to be honest and say that taking care of all three of my girls at 2 weeks postpartum was hard for me. I felt more stress than I wanted to and felt my emotions go up and down. All my body wanted was rest, but I couldn't because I have 2 very busy little girls. It brought up feelings of resentment, feeling lonely, even though I know many people love me. I don't blame people, and I know Creighton has done the best he could. He only got 3 days off of work, which I feel is not ideal for a recovering mom from labor. I feel like society makes it hard. I did not feel like I could ask the same people for help because I did not want to over burden them when they have their own struggles and families to take care of. I love my girls, and I was losing my temper more easily with them, which brought feelings of guilt to the table. My mom came when Juniper was 1 month, and that was a huge help for me. She is an angel and is amazing in so many ways. I started going to a support group for PPD and that is helping. I did not recognize with my other 2 the symptoms of PPD early enough or at all, and I did this time. So I am taking steps to help myself heal because I am just over a month out and it has been a struggle. I have been so tired from lack of sleep, and other challenges present themselves. I know the things I need to do to help myself, but it hard finding the time to do them with 3 little ones, and an almost 4 year old who has dropped nap time. I feel like we get the congratulations from friends and loved ones, but what is not seen is the challenges behind all the cute pictures on Facebook. Coming from a mom who does struggle with some depression, and adding the shifting of hormones on top of it, with a building list of to-do's and not enough time, and only talking to my children, it feels lonely. I know I am not alone and that there are many people who love and care for me, but it can be hard to reach out. And I know I am not the only one with some of these feelings. I know it in my head, but my heart does not always get the message. Or my head does not believe what it knows.. I don't know. This is me opening up as I on my journey of healing. I hope that more can recognize the challenges that come to a stay-at-home mom with a brand new baby. And that I can be a better help to those are in need, to help others to heal and prevent PPD. I hope that I can help that village come together again to help those who need emotional physical/ mental support and comfort. I have strengths and weaknesses. I am a healer. I am able to help others because of the experiences that I have. I choose to love myself and accept the feelings I have so I can more easily let them go, and I choose to express gratitude for my trials. And I choose to be on a HEALing path.