The struggle with happiness and sadness

Here is a picture into the mind of Suzie. I have to be realistic. I am suffering with depression. During the week days, I am extremely busy with school, work, and sife. I hardly even have time to work out anymore. At the same time, I love being busy. I am grateful for all that I am learning and the blessings I have in my life. I live in Hawaii but I don't get to enjoy it like a tourist. I help Creighton with his load and make sure that he has food. By the end of the week, I am literally exhausted. It is not rare that I haven't eaten enough because of how busy I have been. I am always hungry and I just don't have a lot of time to cook. That adds in another factor that leads to not having the energy needed to be rational with stupid issues. When I should be enjoying and taking advantage of the weekend, I just can't. I get sad and frustrated because of something that was said. Then I feel worthless, and then I can't express myself confidently. Then, it just comes out all wrong. That is how most bad weekends start. My husband does the best that he can. He has his own struggles and cannot always understand me. Why? because I am a girl and I don't even understand myself. He just wants me to be happy. There is no happiness switch. It is small actions that lead to happiness. When I feel this sadness, it feels as if it will never end. It takes me time to be the confident, fun, adventureous, and social girl again. I read an article a girls wrote about depression. She said:
        "I also submit that depression is death. Depression makes life feel like death so that the person wants to die. When someone is depressed, it is hard to get help. It is hard to believe that help is possible. It is hard to have even that small hope. It is even harder to have the big hope, that sadness can give way to happiness... I felt weak because I could not take care of the problem by myself when I wanted to so desperately. I didn’t think God loved me anymore, and I didn’t feel worth. Likely because of these first two things, I couldn’t feel love and I couldn’t love."
        She phrases is better that me. This is exactly how I feel when I am suffering through a bout of depression. I am not asking for pity and I am not asking for sympathy. I only ask for understanding and for a real friend.